


These Boots Were Made for Walking

by Corker



Series: Broken Dolls [6]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Abandonment, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/408930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corker/pseuds/Corker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Arishok is killed, Isabela leaves Kirkwall.  Broken Dolls series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Boots Were Made for Walking

Merrill was fine. Of course she was - she was with Hawke. As if Hawke would ever let something like an eight-foot tall horned war god sew her elven friend’s lips shut.

See, she should have realized that. And kept running.

Instead, Aveline glares at her as if the promised ass-kicking was imminent. Hawke’s shouting, something about “How could you look me in the eye and lie to me?” and “Do you realize the viscount is dead?” and “The city would not be _on fire_ right now if you’d just given me the stupid book!”

But really, that’s not so bad. Isabela’s heard that before. Well, not exactly _that_ , but all the variations of “You selfish lying rat, how could you?” And she knows to laugh and shrug, as if to ask, “What were you expecting?” 

No, what’s bad is when Merrill interrupts, her eyes glowing with pride, to tell Hawke that what matters is that Isabela came back, that she realized the right thing to do. And she doesn’t say it, but Isabela hears it: _She did the right thing, so that means she’s a good person, that I can trust her. I knew it all along - she just needed someone to love her deeply and forever and it would fix her._

But Isabela doesn’t believe she can be fixed. She _isn’t_ a good person and Merrill _shouldn’t_ trust her, especially not with something as precious and fragile as her heart.

She tries to find a joke but can’t. The weight of Merrill’s hopes and expectations just builds on her shoulders until she cracks and the truth comes out:

"I didn't do it for _them_. I did it for you. It was always about _you_."

That doesn’t cut it with Hawke, jabbing her finger at Dumar’s head and going on about viscounts and templars and stability. Aveline looks suddenly _sympathetic_ and Isabela wants to punch her.

But she can’t even look at Merrill, knowing she’ll see disappointment there. There hadn’t been a grand heroic epiphany, a change of heart to remake her into a better person, and the happy story Merrill had been telling herself comes apart at the seams. 

And for only the second time in her life, Isabela is ashamed. For only the second time, she’s let herself care, forgetting that in the end, all she will do is fail them, hurt them... and then leave them.

She steps over a dead qunari walks out of the throne room. She pretends not to hear Merrill’s confused, lilting voice calling her name. Then she walks out of the palace, out of the ruins of Hightown, through the riots in Lowtown. As she passes under the landward city gates, she tells herself that she obviously has to leave. Castillon will hear that the qunari have left with the Tome, which means she doesn’t have the Tome, which means she’s failed. And since Castillon knew she was in Kirkwall looking for the blasted thing, she needs to get out of Kirkwall. That’s all there is to it. Very simple, very clean. Nothing to do with complicated and messy things like guilt and regret and love. Just Isabela looking out for Isabela.

Alone.


End file.
